Healing for the Heart 5276 Hollister Avenue, Goleta, CA 93111

"About two years ago I was in a dark place. Having personally experienced the love of Christ, a revelation of the cross with an acute awareness of my sin and weaknesses but also knowing the restoration that comes through repentance and the washing of Christ's blood, but after a time, I found myself dead inside. It was as if trying to move forward into the newness of Christ without a very important missing element, though I thought my true grasp of scripture and theological truths were what was essential, I found something to be lacking. As I began to open up about my childhood, the neglect I felt from my childhood though coming from a loving home, began to uncover hidden feelings that I had disregarded as unimportant. Without being met on an emotional level as a child in a safe way, my heart had not been nurtured and therefore the life of Christ was impeded. As I began to be honest about the pain from feeling like work was more important to my dad than just being with me, when the loneliness and fear of sharing in my emotional life was exposed in a safe environment, I began to come into a place where I could be present with what I had felt as a little girl, and Jesus met that little girl on the steps of her playhouse, while her daddy continued to work, the arms of her savior held her strongly and lovingly in her safe place, making it clear that her heart was known and understood. As I, one by one, began to be honest about the painful events starting in childhood through adulthood, I found the pain resurface in a new way, the insecurity of acknowledging those painful moments that struck at my heart, no longer stayed in the dark, but came into the light in a place where those sitting with me truly wanted to meet me presently in the hurt and pray and wait for the Lord to reveal where he was and how he is healing my heart. It takes a lot of faith in God to believe that He is big enough to meet us in our present emotions, but I've learned that if I am willing to be honest with myself and others about what I'm feeling, about what is truly going on in my heart not just the superfulous things, then I can find a place of truth and life. But if I deny, then a disconnect will occur between me and my heart, which is also a disconnect between myself and the Lord. Honesty is of the utmost importance. Often as Believers in Christ we have a bit of the mentality to "fake it til you make it," and this disregards the life of Christ in our hearts the true nature of newness when we come to Christ. Though through this process my heart and self feel more alive than ever, I am also more deeply affected by heartache but it's in the healthiest of ways as I can express this pain to God and safe others who will respect me and respect and treasure my heart. Learning to live from the heart seems to leave me more vulnerable than before but also gives me a secure and real place from which to connect with God and others. Learning that I need to receive from safe others in a way that is sometimes scary, always proves fruitful. No pain no gain? :)"