Deborah Barnes, LMFT

"If you are looking for a professional and impartial mediator, DO NOT engage in services with Deborah Barnes. The below is my personal experience and feelings about contracted services, I paid for with Deborah Barnes. My attorney at the time recommended Mrs. Barnes and one other mediator. The other party was given the choice between the options and chose Mrs. Barnes. What a huge mistake! I had a DV TRO in place for myself, my children and pets against my ex for abuse (mental and physical), trespassing and accessing devices in the home without permission. This made little impact or concern for Mrs. Barnes during scheduled sessions, to the point where she would not recall my name or pertinent details about the case regularly. It was clear from my perspective that Mrs. Barnes predominantly sides with the male involved in the case and doesn’t hold women or documentation of abuse with much respect. There were many times that my children and my opinions/experiences were downplayed, excused or questioned with judgement. Including a comment by Mrs. Barnes stating my then 10 year old daughter lacked skills of ‘forgiveness or resilience’ towards her father for years of documented abuse. Most adults cannot forgive abuse or cope with trauma, so having an expectation that a 10 year old let go what happened to her and forgive her father seems like an inappropriate and unrealistic expectation for a child. In the end, the father and I came to an agreement on parenting/custody outside of Mrs. Barnes sessions. During the final session we presented this agreements and Mrs. Barnes attempted to pick the agreement apart trying to talk the father into asking for more. To the very end, even in what was submitted to the judge Mrs. Barnes continued to overstep her position as mediator, with clear bias recommending more items that the father and I did not want or ask for to the court. Thankfully our judge ignored her additional ‘recommendations’ and the agreement was filed as we requested. It’s my opinion that Mrs. Barnes shouldn’t be mediating anything as it’s clear to me that she is incapable of being a neutral party."

"Update: Had many contact me to discuss their painful and similar experience. One case of collusion where she secretly worked out deals with one side and the judge eventually ruled that party responsible for the other's attorney fees for this and she was removed as mediator. My case was similar and wish my attorney had the guts to do what hers did. That person is also pursuing a civil case against Barnes. Avoid this child-endangering, unreasonable, and unprofessional fraud. People before me have written reviews very similar to my experience but I'll gladly share if you want to contact me. Still debating on reporting her to the Board... If it didn't take so much typing to do."

"Deborah Barnes is unprofessional and she lacks the skills needed in order to deal with high conflict child custody/divorce cases. If there was a zero star button I would choose that one.. People come to her for genuine help. The parent who pays her cash will feel certain that she is an upstanding professional. Then the other parent who cannot afford an attorney will leave her office feeling confused and broken or unsure whether they will lose time with their children due to her biased representation against them. If you are the financially outsourced parent take heed and understand that you will get zero help or constructive assistance from her. She is hyper focused on siding with whatever parent has money to feed her career in DESTROYING good hearted and loving parents. Also in confusing your children. You may need therapy after dealing with Deborah. You may need to get therapy for your child as well. I already was a complete emotional wreck due to the stress of dealing with my super mean and abusive ex husband face to face as our case is high conflict. I was frequently disregarded when presenting evidence in court. We were court ordered to have a 3111 evaluation, and my ex claimed repeatedly that I was"mentally unstable" in which my ex decided to hire Deborah. I assumed that this would be a positive thing since my ex flat out refused to communicate or co-parent with me. I also was under the impression that she would perform the mental eval. I was informed that no it was in fact NOT.. Upon meeting her she seemed quite approachable. Once actually sitting with her and answering her questions in regard to my upbringing, I later read her report in which she used my unstable childhood against me. She blatantly disregarded any evidence against my ex I presented. The only thing she could dig up of me was my unstable upbringing which has no bearing on the way I love and parent our children. She basically focused on the way I grew up and used that as leverage against me and attacked my character as a mother based off of what little information I chose to volunteer. She reprimanded me for not having police reports to back up my claims of abuse against my ex. She also made me feel shamed for the couple time I did involve the police when my ex denied me my court ordered visits claiming that I "embarrassed our children by involving the authorities" Disgusting this woman is!! I was in an abusive marriage and she basically ignored my pleasure help in regard to my ex's aggressive behaviors in front of our children. Rather she ignored my ex's violent criminal history as well as his drinking and driving/DUI/domestic violence in front of our children. All in all this experience has ruined my motherhood. I lost time with our children due to my ex preventing me from finding housing on numerous occasions. Deborah did not take my issues seriously and due to her negligence our children suffered and Lost hope. To say I have no respect for her as a person is an understatement. I later found out that she was attending BBQs at my ex husband's property. Completely biased."

"She is a really HORRIBLE UNPROFESSIONAL and BIASED counselor. DO NOT waste your time and money with this person. When she chooses a side,which usually towards male clients, which is unacceptable in her practice and there should not be a side; she is not even willing to hear your side of the story. I had to pay for my own costs too so it wasn't free for me so she favors the other side. We had to have 6 mandatory sessions ordered by the judge for so as called coparenting. Not only didn't help with my kid situation or any other thing, I was so much more in stress and anxiety dealing with her and her unprofessional ways of dealing with our situation., not to mention loosing money on top of all attorney 's fees. I think lawyers have a deal with her so they refer their clients to her and get something as a percentage. Horrible horrible"

"My family had a HORRIBLE experience with Deborah Barnes. She was unprofessional and did not hear out the side that did not pay for the evaluation. My 4 children were not heard. I was not heard. The kids worried that she was biased towards their abusive dad upon the first meeting with her. “Mom, she won’t listen to me,” “She is not hearing me.” They were right. I showed her pictures of bruises, of welts, inflicted by my ex. Upon me and upon my 4 children. She didn’t care. I believe she had her mind made up before the kids or I met with her. (Of course she met with my ex who paid her, first). He is a firefighter with more money and power than I had. She is supposed to have experience with domestic abuse. Yet, she questioned me, yelled at me because I never called the police on my abusive husband. I left him because he slammed my head into a window after he punched me—over and over and over. This woman should not have her license. She’s re-victimized my children and me with her abomination of a custody report. Simply disgusting. Unfeminist. Uncaring. Sick person. Reprehensible that she continues to do her “work”—privately and though the state. Barely literate it seems from the actual presentation and wording of the document itself. It’s shocking how poorly the custody evaluation was written. Spilling over with spelling errors and unintelligible sentences—just appalling. When meeting with her, my eldest daughter and I were struck with her lack of command of the English language. Note: she’s not a second language learner. She’s just not smart. Avoid this “therapist” with questionable credentials at ALL costs. Refuse to work with her. Put her out of business. My best advise: avoid custody evaluations in general—as, I have heard from others that they do not help family situations at all. Oftentimes, they make them worse. This person, Barnes, does not know my family, does not care, and will never sympathize with victims of domestic abuse. My kids despise her. If I could post this with a “0”, a negative score, I would."