New North Arlington Bowl 200 Schuyler Avenue, North Arlington, NJ 07031

"I came here with my paraplegic uncle, Uncle Wheels, and his mail order bride. I was excited to show them a good old fashioned North Arlington time, but it was simply DREADFUL! To begin, I have big feet. I come from a long lineage of clowns, and I require a specific type of prescription bowling shoe. This, coupled with my Uncle’s useless noodle legs, meant that only Svetlana, my Uncle’s beautiful Eastern European consort, needed shoes. The woman at the front desk became enraged, insinuating that people like us were the reason bowling alleys across the nation were failing. To quell this beast’s rabid aggression, I rented two pairs of bowling shoes and a pair of bowling wheels for my Uncle. When we got to our lane, everything seemed fine. We put in our names, the game started, and we started to take our turns. Uncle Wheels was the first to go. (It should be noted here that the lanes have stairs from the table the bowling platform, meaning that every time it was Uncle Wheels’ turn, he had to slam down each step like an old wino.) Anyway, he takes his turn, carefully positions the chair, and proceeds to roll down the lane, rolling a perfect straight shot. At the last moment, someone shoved the ball away with a long stick from behind the pins. We thought that was odd, so we brought it to the attention of the woman at the front desk. “That happens sometimes.” She said. “ It’s an old bowling alley and sometimes we have malfunctions.” “Well,” I began, “if this keeps happening, can we change lanes?” She then retorted in a childish manner, “CHANGE LANES CHANGE LANES!” slamming her palms against the table table with each “LANES.” She explained we couldn’t change lanes as there was a league game going on tonight. ‘Yo mama’ I thought, as there were 11 free lanes, but decided it was in the best interest of my uncle to not allow him to feel like “less of a man,” as he puts it. (Yeah, I know.) Anyway, the stick seldom appeared after that but I noticed the names changed on the computer screen, now appearing as Clown Foot, Meals on Wheels, and, to my confusion, Greek Card, which I took to mean “Green Card,” or perhaps they confused Svetlana’s country of origin. In any case, we would not be deterred. We continued to bowl, doing our best to have a good time out of spite to the bowling authority that seemed to wish ill upon three outcast patrons. This is when things began to escalate. I ordered a pizza from the kitchen, which never arrived, as well as a pitcher of coke. When the pitcher arrived, the man handing it to me said with a sneer, “I hope Pepsi’s okay.” “Yes,” I replied, “that’s fine.” His sneer mutated into a scowl and he knocked the pitcher aside just as I was about to take it. “Sorry, but we’re all out of both.” It was then that I heard a commotion coming from our lane. Apparently, my Uncle had gotten into some sort of confrontation with a group of ghosts. As I rushed to his aid, I realized that these specters were in fact the KKK, and they were having the league game. Apparently, they had complained that my Uncle’s wheels kept squeaking, distracting them from their game. Now, I know my uncle keeps his wheels greasier than an Italian auto body shop, and told them to back off. “This is our ally!” The phantom said, lifting up his robe, revealing his one inch member. Glinting off his third thumb was a perfect game ring. “You see that? This means ‘make like a tree and get outta here.” At this moment the loud speaker asked “the freak show who ordered the floor Pepsi” to leave. Svetlana walked away in a huff, leaving my uncle to undo his bowling wheels alone. I helped him and we proceeded to walk back to my iconic small car, where we found the pizza I had ordered smeared across the windshield, bits of mushroom sticking to the wipers, despite that I had ordered pepperoni."

"PHENOMENAL place!!!! I went here for my daughter's birthday yesterday. ALL of the staff were so friendly, helpful, and were so accommodating to our group of 10. There were a bunch of kids with us and they were amazing from the sweet girls who checked us in, to the kitchen crew, to the really cool guy who turned our screens on and helped us with a bunch of jammed balls in our lane. It was my 1st time there and I can't wait to go back! Food was also delicious! A little pricey, but everything is pricey these days. Well worth the money I spent."

"First time bowlers Arissa and Ashley Walter were very helpful with the kids. It’s been here since the 60s support local businesses."

"I went bowling with a group of friends and 8 year old son a few weeks back. The reviews had me a bit nervous but we all had a great time. Everything was decently clean and anytime we had an issue with the lane the staff came right over to fix it. We ordered some food which was fine and priced nicely. My son had a nice time in the arcade as well after we finished bowling. I’d definitely go back there again."

"The first person we met was the cashier. She was not friendly or helpful. The younger women who did help us was nice and helpful. We had lanes 11 and 12. The score boards kept shutting off or posting the wrong information. The bartender was friendly and nice. The alcohol drinks were lacking alcohol. Best to buy the beer only. We ordered french fries- they were a little undercooked and salty. The maintenance men was the most helpful person."